Tonight after I got all three of you kids to sleep (your dad is at the Stake Center helping set up chairs for a funeral this weekend), I started thinking about things I've learned in life so far that I would like to share with you. So here is my list at age 36 (in no particular order):
01. You can do hard things. I have kind of made this our motto with your eye. Every time I put the patch over your good eye to strengthen your small eye (2x a day), I tell you: "You can do hard things, Norah. You can do this." Then I sing to you for the 40-60 minutes the patch is on so you will open your small eye and engage. When we first got your contact, it was very challenging to take it out. Again I repeated, "We can do hard things!" You are amazing and always will be. Always remember that you can do hard things, no matter what they are. I believe in you.
02. It's okay to be tired. I'm not here on earth to feel rested all the time. I'm here to work and make a difference and to raise a family. You might not be able to relate to this one for a while but when you have kids of your own, you will know what I mean. It's wonderful being a mother but it's incredibly exhausting. I feel like I may never feel fully rested again. It's okay.
03. You win some and you lose some. Yesterday I left a brand new package of baby wipes at The Children's Museum on the changing table but today I founds some good deals on some cute clothes for you and me at a thrift store. One day you may get a speeding ticket but the next day you may get a card in the mail from a friend. Seek out the positive. A positive outlook will serve you well.
05. It's good to be busy doing good things. Christ was busy when He was on the earth. He filled his time with service and teaching. Stay busy by doing good things but always keep the most important things first. (This reminds me of the talk "Good, Better, Best by Dallin H. Oaks.)
06. Whenever you put your heart and soul into something, you leave a piece of yourself behind when you leave. I felt that way about my mission, when I closed the chapter of Graduate School / my practicum and when I quit my job and later quit volunteering at CPS. I take commitment seriously and try to do my very best. Especially when you serve others in this capacity, you will think back on the experience with fondness and it will remain close to your heart.
07. Record your thoughts and feelings. Record your testimony. I love "reading myself" in my prior journals. I have 64 handwritten journals, a few specific journals (one on the atonement, one on marriage that I kept as I was gathering information about marriage before I got married), a gratitude journal (I loved keeping this and need to start up again) and my treasured mission journals. There are three of them and they mean so much to me because of the learning and growth I experienced on my mission. I have also kept a blog over the past ten years - not very faithfully anymore but I try. I also have blogs for you and your brothers, which are very important to me. I hope you guys will love and appreciate these letters someday and know how much I love you as you read them.
08. Take lots and lots and lots of pictures. Back them up. Print them. Record videos. Record your life.
09. To sacrifice is to make something sacred. I learned this lesson when Oliver was a newborn. Here's what I recorded about it:
I was reading through one of my past journals and came across a quote I wrote in there from a General Conference address that said that to sacrifice means to make something sacred: Elder M. Russell Ballard has taught that “the word sacrifice means literally ‘to make sacred,’ or ‘to render sacred’ ” (“The Law of Sacrifice,” Ensign, Oct. 1998, 8; Liahona, Mar. 2002, 13). The words sacred and sacrifice come from the same root. One may not have the sacred without first sacrificing something for it. There can be no sacredness without personal sacrifice. Sacrifice sanctifies the sacred. (The full talk is here.) I think this is so applicable to motherhood, as it is to many aspects of our lives. It really hit home for me right now. [April 16, 2010.]
10. Be kind. Everyone is going through something difficult. Everyone experiences trials. Always be kind. Smile, be helpful, give people the benefit of the doubt and be thoughtful.
11. Stay close to you Heavenly Father. He knows your better than anyone else does. Trust in Him, confide in Him, pour out your heart to Him. Stay worthy of the Spirit. You will need His guidance throughout your life. It is imperative in making decisions. Have faith. He is real and He loves you. Our Savior loves your tremendously. He knows every pain you have ever experienced. Lean on Him when things get rough. Get lost in the scriptures. I have kept a scripture journal at times in my life and this has benefited me greatly.
12. Make your spouse #1. Love him with all of your heart. Embrace motherhood. Neither marriage or parenting are easy. They both take a lot of work, commitment, effort, prayer, forgiveness, trying over and over again...but both are worth every effort you put into them. Be quick to apologize, be flexible, laugh a lot, get on your knees, serve your family and express love and gratitude frequently. Satan is attacking the family. He is persistent. Do not give in.
13. Beauty radiates when you are confident, kind, happy and when you are worthy of the Spirit to be with you. A light will shine in your eyes and others will want to be around you.
14. Keep your body healthy. It is a gift from Heavenly Father. Take the Word of Wisdom seriously. It will bless your life. It has blessed mine tremendously. I recorded this on my "This Social Worker" blog on March 13, 2012: "I am so thankful for the Word of Wisdom, my testimony, and being raised in the church. I see how people's lives are torn apart by drugs. It makes me so sad. I went to a prison last week to interview a mom who has an open case. She was very honest and open with me. She told me of her past history with drug abuse and how she regrets exposing her daughter to that lifestyle. I see families literally torn apart because of drug abuse. I will forever be thankful for my upbringing and good friends. My testimony is so important to me."
15. Education is extremely valuable. Get as much of it as you can. It doesn't look the same for everyone. Regardless of what it looks like for you, do your best, be determined, and don't give up when it gets difficult. A good education will increase your confidence, make you well-rounded, interesting, and open doors to many opportunities and experiences. I am extremely grateful for my education. Find what you are passionate about and do all you can to follow your heart.
16. One of the most important things I've learned is the importance of having a life plan. I didn't realize this before marrying your dad. I always knew I wanted to serve a mission (and felt prompted numerous times to do so) so that was in the plan for me but other than that, I didn't have a concrete plan other than wanting to be a mom. I had an Associates Degree in English before I married your dad and didn't know what I wanted to do next. I fell in love with Social Work after my mission and truly felt like it was my calling (along with being a mother). Your dad and I then put together a life plan, which included me getting my BASW and MSW. We set goals and worked together to achieve them. He was my biggest supporter and still is.
17. Surround yourself with people who uplift and inspire you to be better. Seek good friends and be a good friend to them. I will forever be grateful for the good friends I had in high school. They were such a good influence on me. They were good kids and we had fun doing good things together.
18. There will be times when you will mess up. It happens. You will feel terrible. You know you can repent and be forgiven but remember also to forgive yourself. Be kind to yourself. Get up and try again. And again. And again. Don't let your mistakes get you down.
19. Read your Patriarchal Blessing often. Ask for Priesthood Blessings when you need them. Record what you learn from both.
20. Just because something is difficult doesn't mean it isn't right. Similarly, just because something is right does not mean it is going to be easy. In fact, it usually isn't.
21. Don't base your worth on what other people think of you. You are a daughter of Heavenly Father. He loves you. You are valuable to Him.
22. Don't compare yourself to others, especially your weaknesses to other's strengths, or others' weaknesses to your strengths. Everyone has been blessed with strengths. Find yours and strengthen them. Focus on the good in others, not their weaknesses.
These are a few things I've learned. You will learn many things throughout your life and they may look different for you. I'm so excited to see you experience life! You are beautiful and amazing and have so much ahead of you. I love you!
Love, Mom
