Sunday, March 7, 2021

The past several months

Dear Eleanor, 

Here I am again, catching up. Some things over the past several months:

January (I forgot to include this earlier so I'll put it in here now.)

  • You said, "Mom, I couldn't live without you." So sweet. This melted my heart.

August 

  • You often pee standing up at the toilet like the boys. That's what being an only girl with four brothers will do for you.
  • I asked you, "When did you last take a bath?" You said, "Umm...tomorrow?"
  • You are enjoying Kindergarten at your Prenda Micro School with Ms. Emily. She's a wonderful teacher. The other day after school you said to me, "Did you know your brain grows when you learn something new? I learned something new but it still feels the same." That made me smile. I texted that to Ms. Emily and she said, "Oh that makes me so happy to hear! That's going to be a theme for us this school year." I just love her. And you. You say the best things. 
September
  • You are very adamant about choosing your own outfit for school. I will often lay out two or three outfits on your floor the night before, with your input, for you to choose from and the next morning you will come downstairs in something completely different. 
  • You love art and creating things.
October
  • Just one quote this month and it's from Zach. In frustration he said, "You're a stupid, beautiful sissy!" I had to hide my smile with that one.
November
  • You said to me, "I think I might want to be a ninja when I grow up." This made me smile.
  • You asked me, "Mom, was I born to skate? I think I was because I'm so good at it." I love your confidence and hope you keep it forever. 
December
  • I was talking with you about what a blessing it is that you have some vision in your small eye. You said, "Daddy said it's a blessing from Heavenly Father and you" (because I patch with you). That was heart warming and brought tears to my eyes.
These are the things I wrote down on my calendar that I wanted to remember. I hope they bring a smile to your face when you read them as well. I love you! Love, Mom

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Sunday, July 19, 2020

Recent quote

Josh said, "The coronavirus sucks!" 

You said, "Yeah, it's the F word!"

Zach then said, "Sucks."

Not exactly a proud parenting moment but kind of a funny / not funny at the same time kind of moment. 
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Sunday, June 21, 2020

Catching up!

Dear Eleanor (or Ellie, as you now prefer),

I can't believe how long it's been since I've written a letter to my sweet girl. Ten months is way too long! I have some catching up to do but two recent things I don't want to forget:

  • Last night as I was tucking you into bed, you said to me, "Mama, I wish you could take a sewing class." "Why is that?" I asked. Your voice broke and you started to cry. "Because I want you to sew me a doll that looks like you so I can cuddle with it at night so I won't be alone and won't have night terrors. I know the twins need you but I miss you laying by me." My heat broke. You don't actually have night terrors anymore (you haven't had one in about a year and a half) but the message reached me loud and clear. You need me and I'm not always available, especially at bedtime. It's true, the twins are very demanding right now. Bedtime with them is very hands-on and takes a long time. And by the time they are finally asleep, you have fallen asleep because it's so late. Dad is in with Josh every night because he has a lot of anxiety and has a difficult time falling asleep. Oliver falls asleep pretty well on his own. But you get left out and I can understand your hurt. I think the most difficult thing about having five children is not being able to give enough of myself to each of you. Someone always feels left out. It's a difficult balance. Especially since the Coronavirus Quarantine hit, things have been pretty rough for you. You're used to 1:1 time with me while the older boys were at school and the twins napped. Now they don't nap unless I'm driving them around (and you are in the back of the Excursion, driving with me). I can see how this would be challenging for a 5-year-old (or anyone of any age - change and less quality time when you are used to more would be difficult for anyone, especially a five-year-old). You have been acting out a lot as a result. It used to be difficult to convince you to patch your eye with me and now it still is sometimes but often you come to me and ask to patch because you know it is special time and attention from me. I'm sorry this is a difficult time and hope you know I wish I could devote more 1:1 time to you and that my love for you remains as it always has. You will always, always be my favorite girl in the whole wide world.
  • The other day you asked me, "Mom, what is it like to see out of two eyes?" I was driving the Excursion, the twins were asleep and the older boys weren't with us. You were all the way in the back so you couldn't see the tears in my eyes. You also told me later that day that at summer camp, while you were in the bathroom there were some girls in there who were laughing. You said they may have been laughing at your eye but you don't know for sure. You are about to start Kindergarten next month and I'm anticipating a little bit of this kind of thing. I'm nervous that some kids may be unkind, as much as I would like to think otherwise. It seems preschoolers are so much more kind and oblivious to differences than older kids. I pray for tender mercies and good friends and a really good teacher for you at your new school, Butterfield. 
  • You recently told me, "You were especially made to be my mama." I feel the same about you. I can't describe how grateful I am that you are my daughter.
More soon (hopefully). These are just a few thoughts I wanted to share on this Sunday afternoon. I love you! Love, Mom
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Saturday, August 31, 2019

5th eye surgery for our amazing girl

Dear Eleanor,

I haven't written to you in quite a while so this is long overdue. Tonight I want to share a little about your 5th eye surgery, which you had yesterday. This procedure was a Vitrectomy with removal of internal limiting membrane on your retina, which was clouding your vision. You were a little nervous. You knew surgery meant your doctor was going to work on your eye while you were asleep (but we didn't go into detail further than that because we didn't want to scare you). You woke up before 4:30am yesterday morning in anticipation. Dad gave you a beautiful Priesthood Blessing. He blessed you to with happiness, hope and love to others and to learn inspiration and happiness from your experiences and to share those with others. He blessed you to have the Holy Ghost to be with you to bring you comfort and told you that your mom and dad never stop thinking about you and your welfare.

You and Dad hugging after the blessing.

Here are some posts I shared on social media to keep our family and friends up to date about your surgery.

Today is another surgery for this beautiful girl. We are sitting in the same waiting room where we sat while we waited during her first surgery. But that day, when she was only two months old, I couldn't stop the tears from flowing at the thought of my baby girl in the operating room. I paced the halls most of the time. We have done this several times now and I am more at peace about it but this is the first time she really remembers doing this and she was pretty nervous. And hungry. She got up before 4:30 this morning in anticipation. Wendel gave her a beautiful Priesthood Blessing this morning. She has experienced several difficult things in her four years and she is definitely a fighter. We're looking forward to lunch + ice cream with her when she's done (per her request). #wecandohardthings #eleanorkate @ Phoenix Children's Hospital



I snapped this picture very quickly, right before they wheeled you off to surgery. You were pretty nervous here.
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An update on Eleanor: surgery went well. Her doctor said it was a difficult surgery but things went smoothly. Waking up from the anesthesia was not a smooth transition. She screamed, cried and tried to rip her patch off for about 45 minutes. Wendel and I had to sit on her bed and hold her hands down so she wouldn't rip off the patch and damage her eye (it itched a lot from the anesthesia) and hold her legs down so she wouldn't rip out her IV. The nurse eventually put Eleanor's arms in a restraint to keep her from hurting herself. It was hard to see her in so much pain and distress. I took these pictures on our way home, sitting next to her in the back seat. She is awake now and doing so much better. The itching is gone and she is calm and happy. It's been a long day but it's another surgery behind us. We're grateful for the amazing medical professionals at Phoenix Children's and for amazing friends who reached out to us in prayer, uplifting messages and service. ♥️#wecandohardthings #eleanorkate

I didn't share this picture on social media but will share it here. You hated these things on your arms that kept them straight so you couldn't touch your eye. You were so miserable on the first part of the ride home but then fell asleep next to me.



My post today:
Look who is feeling quite a bit better today! She has decided she isn't a fan of surgery but she's doing so much better. We went to her follow up appointment this morning. Her eye pressure is good and she doesn't have inflammation. After her appointment, we got some Jamba Juice and then saw this cute wall across the street. I thought checking it out might cheer her up. I can tell she still doesn't feel the best in these pictures but she's smiling and her eye is feeling so much better. Her doctor gave clearance to have her patch off during the day for the most part and only keep it protected at night. You wouldn't even know she had surgery by looking at these pictures unless you looked inside of her eye. I had tears in my eyes as Wendel and I tucked her in tonight. Eleanor is such a blessing in our family. I'm so grateful for her and the many things I get to learn as her mom. There's a special closeness to heaven when you are blessed with a child who has special needs. It is a sacred journey. ♥️#wecandohardthings #eleanorkate


Look who is feeling quite a bit better today! She has decided she isn't a fan of surgery but she's doing so much better. We went to her follow up appointment this morning. Her eye pressure is good and she doesn't have inflammation. After her appointment, we got some Jamba Juice and then saw this cute wall across the street. I thought checking it out might cheer her up. I can tell she still doesn't feel the best in these pictures but she's smiling and her eye is feeling so much better. Her doctor gave clearance to have her patch off during the day for the most part and only keep it protected at night. You wouldn't even know she had surgery by looking at these pictures unless you looked inside of her eye. I had tears in my eyes as Wendel and I tucked her in tonight. Eleanor is such a blessing in our family. I'm so grateful for her and the many things I get to learn as her mom. There's a special closeness to heaven when you are blessed with a child who has special needs. It is a sacred journey. ♥️ #wecandohardthings#eleanorkate




I wanted to include some of the comments I got on social media so you can see how loved you are.

We love you sweet bean. Love, Mom






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